Conker's Twelve Tails of Death
by Yoshizilla-Fan
Summary: Conker's gonna need lots and lots of chocolate for this fic...oh wait, no amount with save him. Rated M for excessive blood.
1. Chapter 1

Conker's Twelve Tails of Death

by Yoshizilla-Fan

Yoshizilla-Fan: If Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus can torture Luigi, I can torture Conker. Now that I beat the game, I find it fun to hurt Conker and watch him scream and bleed. No seriously. It's funny to me! But this doesn't mean I hate Conker. I just like it and find it funny when he's hurt. While we wait for Conker 64 (the beta for Conker's BFD) to hopefully be leaked, enjoy this.

* * *

Conker was walking through Windy, enjoying his day as usual.

"Wait a minute, what exactly did the author say?" Conker looked around, wondering what was going to happen next, then he came across the foot of Poo Mountain, seeing a group of giant Dung Beetles there. "Hey, didn't I kill those guys? Unless, maybe the game's back at this chapter?"

The Dung Beetles saw Conker, remembering what happened last time. "Hey! There's that bloody squirrel that killed us!"

All the Dung Beetles suddenly got up, and one of them suddenly attacked Conker, causing him to scream and bleed as he was knocked down. Conker got up, dusting himself off. "Hey, don't do that!"

Suddenly, all the beetles attacked him again, knocking him back as he screamed and bled more. The beetles all surrounded him, beating up even more, knocking him in all directions as he screamed in pain at the top of his lungs, and gallons of blood spewed out of him, until finally he fainted, a puddle of blood forming around him, being dead. Then all the beetles returned to their positions.

Serves Conker right for killing so many characters, and causing so much trouble for everyone in just one day. But don't worry, Conker has as many lives as he can get away with.

**THE END...?**


	2. Chapter 2

Conker proceeded over to the big circular pool next to Poo Mountain that had two Clang Goblins swimming in it.

"Hmm...lI wonder if I can get past those guys without the need for a Poo Ball..."

Conker swam up the river and over to the goblins. One of them converted itself into a spike ball and attacked Conker, causing him to scream as gallons of blood spilled out of him. Then as he noticed the goblins swimming away, Conker swam towards the door, trying to get through, but suddenly both goblins turned into spike balls and attacked him, flinging him into the air as he screamed for his life, more blood spilling out as all of a sudden, hundreds of goblins came into the water, attacking Conker the same way they all would, tearing Conker apart bit by bit as the pond turned red with his blood, eventually killing him, his limbs, organs and bones scattered all over the place.


	3. Chapter 3

Conker went to the river where Bat's Tower was, seeing the Bullfish, which was still stuck in the wall.

"Wow. That Bullfish must of gotten stuck really good when I tried to outrun it."

Conker walked over to the stuck Bullfish to examine it. Suddenly, the Bullfish broke free, attacking Conker, grabbing him in its jaws, mauling him to death as his blood and guts spilled everywhere and his bones broke apart and into pieces.


	4. Chapter 4

Conker was at the top of the Barn in Barn Boys, looking out as he saw every part of the Panther Kingdom.

"Boy oh boy, the view up here sure is great. I wonder if it is even higher than that of the peak of Poo Mountain..."

Conker looked up, walking forward, being distracted by the view, when suddenly, Conker fell down, down from the platform he was on, landing next to the nearby body of water, his body completely shattered as blood spilled everywhere, his beating heart and beating liver somehow surviving the fall.


	5. Chapter 5

Conker decided that he would go underground instead, deciding to go to Rock Solid as he felt like he needed to have a good time for once.

"Ok, this place looks safe...I mean fun." Conker walked onto the dance floor, beginning to dance as he started doing the snake, but sadly, he accidently bumped into one of the male Rockmen, which got angry and punched Conker, causing him to bleed internally and externally as he was punched into another male Rockman, who also got mad and punched him into another one.

Pretty soon, Conker became part of a Rockman punching circle as his body shattered more and more, his blood spilling all over the dance floor as the bones in body eventually literally turned to dust, leaving his skin, which got torn apart.


	6. Chapter 6

Conker walked up the hill on Windy, being mauled by Earthworms as he slowly crawled to the top where Mr. Barrel was, a trail of blood behind him.

"Ok, I have the 2,110,110 dollars you wanted. Now can I roll with you whenever I want?"

Mr. Barrel just kept rocking back and forth like he does. "Ok. Where is it?"

Suddenly, the earthworms came back, bunches of shredded money in their jaws as they grabbed Conker, continuing to maul away at his remains.


	7. Chapter 7

Conker was in the Spooky graveyard as a group of squirrel zombies approached him, wanting to maul on his living flesh.

"Ok. Zombies. No problem. Here I go..." Suddenly, Conker realized that he had left his Shotgun at home. "Oh NOOOOO!"

The group of zombies chased after Conker, who was banging on the door behind him, begging for the door to open, but alas, the zombies got to him, mauling away at his flesh, leaving behind a pile of bones, five minutes later.


	8. Chapter 8

Conker was at Count Batula's mansion, exploring the library as he wondered what there was to see.

"Ok, now I just have to- Oh forget it. This chapter's gonna be too short just like all the rest from here on out.

Conker then noticed a passage that he'd never seen before, going through it as he suddenly fell down, being torn apart by the spiky bottom.


	9. Chapter 9

Yoshizilla-Fan: Expecting a longer chapter this time, Conker?

Conker was crossing his arms in seriousness. "Yes! Please."

Yoshizilla-Fan: Too bad! As Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus would say, Waluigi Time!

Waluigi suddenly appeared out of nowhere, taking out a knife as he stabbed Conker in the head, killing him.


	10. Chapter 10

Conker was in the Tediz base, looking to fight any Tediz that got in his way.

Then suddenly, a whole group of Tediz attacked Conker in ambush, stabbing him and shooting him to death...

...

...

...

...

...

...I don't have too many ideas for this. Sorry.


	11. Chapter 11

Conker flipped the switch that would make the acid level rise, causing him to be burned by the acid as his skin started to melt away, his exposed blood going everywhere as he was eventually burned away to nothing.

"Hey! You forgot to mention the setting, and you didn't even give that squirrel a speaking role!" yelled Waluigi.


	12. Chapter 12

Conker was inside the Panther King's castle, looking to-

...

Conker wasn't there!

Yoshizilla-Fan: Hey! Where's Conker?

Meanwhile, back at Windy, Conker was curled up, literally shaking in fear with a fearful look on his face, afraid of doing any more deaths.

Yoshizilla-Fan: Hey Conker! Why arn't you at the Panther King's castle?

"I've had enough! Ok? No more deaths!"

Yoshizilla-Fan: Ok ok fine. No more deaths. How about I make it up to you? There's TWO million dollars in the Federal Reserve bank, and no one's guarding it! Go get it!

"Ok then. By the way, you're not supposed to interact with the story characters. Just saying."

Conker walked over to the Federal Reserve Bank, opening the door when suddenly, a whole group of Weasel guards had guns pointed at him, much to Conker's surprise.

"Shi-"

All the weasels shot Conker to death, thus making in Conker's twelfth and final Death Tail for this fic. Ok...goodbye!

**THE END**


End file.
